Clown's Kids
by Punishers Apprentice
Summary: Mallen and Hayla Quinn are the children of Joker and Harley Quinn. Hayla is loyal to Harley and Mallen is a rebellious scholars. Bruce Wayne takes them in when he recruits Mallen to Gotham Academy.
1. Origins

Gotham narrows didn't have a good public school so it was surprising one of their students was ranked high in the state. Mr. Quincy pulled his phone out, "Hello."

He put the phone back in his pocket. "Mallen, office. Take your bag," he spoke to the school's high ranking student without looking away from the rickety board he was copying textbook material onto. Mallen flashed Alexis, a girl ranked second in their class, a classic Joker smile he constantly claimed was practically genetic. He put his trashy bag on his back and left with his worn out notebook, many believed Harley Quinn and Joker's son cheated but the truth was much worse.

In the office a man in a nice suit sat on the termite worn chair. After giving Ms. Clark a questioning look he stood and greeted Mallen, "Mr. Quinn."

"Mallen, like mallet." The boy corrected, giving the secretary a similar look.

The man said "I'm Bruce Wayne."

Mallen cut him off, "I know who you are and I'm not taking your scholarship. I'm not gonna go out of my way to attend Gotham Academy and sit next to mansion kids. I can't afford the materials for those classes anyway. My answer is no."

Bruce asked "Is that all your stuff because you're not coming back here? If you don't go to Gotham Academy the state can send you to Gotham Central, Gotham's primary public school."

Mallen said "I don't live in that foster home. Tell ya what I'll make you a deal. You come with me to my house and pitch this idea of yours to my mom. You look my mom in the eye and offer this complete full ride just for me. If she doesn't laugh in your face and agrees to consider it, I'll drop the M in my name and go to your prep school."

Bruce said "Deal."

He waved to Ms. Clark as Mallen lead him out the door and through the narrows. He stopped as maniacal laughter echoed, he muttered "Either dad's home or mom's got on home movies." Then he lead Bruce into a rundown speakeasy.

He put his bag on the table and Harley turned around, "You're early."

"Lose another job? Ma, Bruce Wayne. He showed up today. Mr. Quincy sent me home, again."

"That guy needs to learn to man up." She turned to Bruce, "He's not going to Gotham Academy or Gotham Central and if one more of you people."

Mallen stopped her "Ma! Bruce Wayne the billionaire."

"I don't care! Wait, what?" Bruce gave a kind smile, "You're not going to take him away. You're not child services."

"CPS still thinks we live with those pothead foster people, apparently." He climbed off the old seat, Harley turned, "I'm taking the bucket."

Harley called "Go to the river before you come back." Mallen nodded as he entered the tunnels.

Bruce gestured to the booth "May we sit? I just wanna talk."

"Sure you do Bats." Harley sat at one end of the round booth.

Bruce said "When I came to the school to pitch the offer to Mallen and his guardians, he pointed out he couldn't afford materials. I instantly think textbooks but I didn't realize the Narrows school is in such bad shape. I'm willing to pay for tuition, all materials and housing costs. I don't like the idea of you being their guardian but clearly that's a lost battle."

Mallen dumped the bucket, replenishing their water supply from the gutter he and some teens fit with a filter for local families. He pulled Hayla out of her ever growing labyrinth to bathe in the river. He made Hayla take the front entrance instead of her tunnels, Bruce saw Hayla as Harley said "That's the thing. Mallen isn't an only child, I am not losing them both and you're not separating them."

"CPS still thinks we live with those pothead foster people," Bruce repeated in a daze. He pulled out a brochure, "Gotham Academy is a fine institution."

"Where I'll be picked on for being Joker Junior. At least now my classmates are all poor like me. You can throw all the money you want at making me one of them, it won't change the fact my parents are supervillains and I'm attending on scholarship. I'm not going."

Bruce looked at Harley, "What if they both lived with me for the school year? I'll pay you two grand a month and you'll have them in the summer."

"Foresight, I only live at Wayne Manor on school days and I'm still a charity case. I don't care how much money you have, I'm tired of making the same argument. Arrest me, I'm not changing schools. Central kids are richer than me."

Harley shut Mallen down, playing the mom card, "You and Hayla are going with Mr. Wayne. He'll be taking care of you and you'll both go to school."

Mallen knew he lost, "We'll go to the same school. Mr. Wayne will have to adopt us to change my name, like he promised."

"Sure," she was nervous. Their dad was gonna escape soon, she had a sixth sense for it after all their years. "Mallen, go help Hayla pack up."

They left the room and Harley collapsed back into the booth, "You can protect them from their father, right?"

"Who's their father? The Joker?"

"Yeah. Joe Kerr, ha."

"I'll do everything I can."

"Thanks Batman."

"It's Bruce, I'm not Batman."

"Sure ya are. Mallen figured it out, found proof and everything, when you first started trying to recruit him. Who'd believe us?"

Bruce used his Batman voice, "You're not wrong." He stood and took Mallen's backpack. In his day voice, "Just keep doing right by your kids and don't give me a reason to come back as him."

Mallen and Hayla didn't have much to pack. Hayla lived in the tunnels, always digging escape routes for when daddy came home. Mallen and Harley lived in the speakeasy, with some cabinets in the original, bricked tunnels for their stuff. He packed them up quickly, hiding a mallet (his namesake) for Joker's next escape. When they returned to the speakeasy, Bruce was waiting for them with Mallen's backpack on. He asked "Ready to go?"

Mallen always kept Hayla in front of him, an almost instinctual protective habit. They said their goodbyes to Harley, she cried as she knelt to hug and kiss them. Mallen lead their new guardian back to his limo and held Hayla back to make Bruce Wayne get in first, he got in last and sat between them. Bruce saw how little they packed and offered to take them to a charity store, Mallen angrily shut down his ideas.

At the Manor, he dropped all protective sense and stormed upstairs. Bruce asked his ward Jason to show Mallen around. Literally flipping around as if it's nothing, Hayla gave Bruce some of the same information Harley had, their dad is the Joker and they know he's Batman. Bruce already heard it from Harley so he asked "Your mom teach you to do that."

"Daddy definitely didn't. He doesn't know mommy kept us. He's gonna escape tonight, mommy knows that and so does Mallen."

That got Bruce's full attention, "She asked if I could protect you from him because she knew he was getting out?"

"Uh-huh." She offered to help stop him in the tunnels. Hayla doesn't like daddy misusing her tunnels, doesn't like daddy hitting mommy.

That night she lead Batman and Robin right to the escaped Joker. Hayla announced to him that he'd never hurt mommy again and he attacked his daughter. Hayla wasn't seriously harmed as Mallen swung his mallet at Joker before Batman or Robin had time to think of a safe response. Hayla ran to Harley, who Mallen lead there. Mallen kept swinging at Joker, beating him down. Before he could kill the clown, Hayla stopped him. He decided they'd join the underground where they'd be appreciated and no one would care who their parents were. Robin offered to talk to him after Harley accepted she'd lost them. Robin talked him down, taking responsibility for anything his guardian screwed up. They all rode away in the batmobile, Batman had dismissed Harley instead of arresting her. Hayla got her brother to lighten up and they both went upstairs to bed.


	2. Council

Mallen was angry for weeks after Batman took him in, but he stayed for Hayla. At Gotham Academy, he was soon legendary for sleeping through half his genius classes. Teachers let him get away with everything, Bruce didn't debunk his threat that he'd transfer back to his old school. Mallen abandoned his backpack and only wore his uniform every blue moon. Bruce didn't like his lack of respect for people at the school but he couldn't really ground a boy who used to practically live in the ground.

Finally Hayla stepped in, she went to her brother's room, "What is your problem? I thought you were past hating Bruce."

He was doing homework, "I don't like Gotham Academy and I'm not changing my mind about this arrangement with him."

"What is your problem now? When you keep acting like this, Bruce starts asking me stuff like that."

Mallen stood, "He shouldn't."

"Mom's not here. Who's he supposed to ask? You?"

Mallen sat down "You're not mom and no one can fix the facts."

"So why do you hate Bruce? What'd he do?"

"I don't want to go to Gotham Academy. I never wanted to leave mom. I liked my life. But he just couldn't let me have it. You loved your tunnels. You never wanted to go to school. Now you're stuck living above ground and going to genius academy. Why shouldn't I?"

"You already answered that! No one can fix the facts! That's what you said."

"So I have to like them! Hayla stop screaming. I'm not changing my mind."

"You're right but you're talking to Bruce. I'm not your messenger." She slammed his door and leaned on it, "He's still being ridiculous. Like the underground is better than Wayne Manor." She opened the door again.

"Hayla go away. I'm doing my homework."

"Party tonight." She went to her room.

Jason checked on her, "How'd your talk go?"

She grumbled, "He's being ridiculous."

He sat beside her,"Can't fix the facts so why's he angry at Bruce, right?"

She perked up slightly, "Yeah. Y'know you're in just as much trouble as Bruce."

"Yeah. Does your brother know that?"

She went back to grumbling, "Probably not."

"Are you brooding? Bruce could give everyone a run for their money in that department, except when kids are involved apparently."

Hayla left, she went to Mallen's room. "What now?"

She grabbed his arm and started tugging. He followed her to Bruce. Jason tailing them both. She said "You wanna see dad and we both know Arkham won't let it happen."

Jason asked "Did I give you this idea?"

She acknowledged Jason before returning her gaze to Mallen "You said brooding and you always do that when dad gets arrested. Just like you and mom both get on edge when he escapes. When are you actually happy?"

She turned to Bruce "Don't ask me to explain him." Then she brushed past Jason and left the room.

Jason said "I'll be not here."

He'd expected to see Hayla going to her room when he left the room but instead he saw Hayla heading outside. He decided to follow her and tailed her through the tunnels to see a group of kids. There was a girl, closer to ten than five, not the oldest but well respected. The girl wore a leather jacket with lots of pockets and black-ish beat up jeans, she had brown hair. Jason realized why she drew his attention first, she looked a lot like Catwoman. There were two freaky looking boys, it was easy to tell who they resemble. One wore only pants, his skin had a blue hue to it but the Catwoman looking girl wasn't shying away from him, maybe she had layers on, because his breath was visible. The other freaky looking boy was wearing sweats and seemed to be trying to hide. His hands were starting to scale over. There were others but not many. Jason left when Hayla told the kids he covered for her with Bruce. When he told Bruce and Mallen what he saw, all the villain kids. Mallen headed towards the cave "The council is meeting. Where's my mallet?"

Bruce asked "What council?"

"My mallet? You do have it, right?" He found it leaning against a cave wall, "You better suit up if you're gonna follow me." He pointed with the mallet to the batsuit case then took the long way through the tunnels to the meeting place.

The council was discussing what it always discussed, turning to crime. It's a good thing Croc Junior and Freeze's came together or some of the normal looking kids would have acted on their desires already. As Mallen approached he let loose his father's signature laugh, they all turned to face his arrival. He talked them down as always "So you wanna work for Cobblepot?" They all understood serving the Penguin was the cost of crime unless you establish yourself as an A-list villain and that takes heartless actions. The council wasn't ready for that. When he told them to continue their work, moving the homeless to Gotham Underground during the bat's big battles, one of the boys Jason didn't get a good look at suggested they try to be heroes. No one took the little ones seriously and they shot him down. Mallen agreed with Freeze and Croc Junior, "The bat has done nothing to cure Croc or you," referring to Freeze's boy. He told them the tunnels can lead to the bat cave. They agreed they wanted to go with a nearly unanimous vote, Mallen warned "He'll interrogate you about your parents, both of them." Freeze and Croc Junior were both against this. One of the council's creators voiced his refusal, they all looked at the tunnel Mallen had entered through as he answered.

He told them he wouldn't do it then said "Follow me."

"I know a shorter way. I was trying to shake a tail." Mallen kept Hayla in front of him, he'd intervened as the council was on the edge of violence. The others followed the bat. Catwoman's daughter Kyle was closest to him with the two freaky founders bringing up the pack of nearly ten children of the bat's rogues. Mallen took them into the cave, he threw his mallet back to its place by the wall as he introduced the kids by villain parent.

When Mallen was sympathizing with the freaks he pointed out he and Hayla can't smile or laugh because of their parents. Bruce hadn't noticed with Hayla but Mallen didn't hide it. He offered the cave barracks anytime they needed a place after he took blood samples to work on the cures. Mallen and Hayla disappeared just before Bruce wound up unmasking himself for the council of kids. "No leveraging my secret," he warned.


	3. Foster Service

Mallen helped Hayla pick out her dress for the party, without knowing what the party was for. He didn't like all the stuff Bruce was willing to buy them and his only suit for these parties was a hand-me-down. After zipping her up, he went and put it on. Sometimes he'd just wore his school uniform to piss Bruce off, so every time he wore the suit it was a win. During the party, Bruce excused Mallen and Hayla as an insensitive song played. He did that a lot but Mallen got him to do it during SIXX AM's Oh My God while he was talking to guests. Then Mallen went into his office, Hayla asked Mallen "What are you doing? I thought we were going upstairs."

He said "You can." He quickly found their child services file, "I knew it. Read it."

She got on a chair and read part of the top page, "He didn't adopt us."

"He's just another foster dad." He looked at Hayla "Now can I be angry?" She nodded, he put the file back and went to his room to resume brooding.

At breakfast the next morning Bruce and Mallen engaged in the screaming match Hayla tried to start before the party. Hayla was now on Mallen's side and soon so was Jason, when faced with the proof. Mallen closed his argument with "The potheads weren't arrested. Hayla and I weren't their only charges." He left the dining room, Jason followed, so they weren't late for school.

Hayla stayed. She wasn't like the boys. She didn't stew or brood. Bruce said "I didn't think you two wanted to be adopted with Mallen's argument at the speakeasy."

"I'm not Mallen. Why didn't you investigate our foster parents? They didn't report us missing, that's neglect."

Bruce asked "Why do hide your intelligence?"

"Doesn't pay to be smart when your parents are villains? Nothing pays when your parents are villains." She gave up on getting answers and stood. Before she left, "Imagine if Mallen knew about your water project and what you did to his rain filter."


End file.
